I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
