Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize