He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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