i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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