And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
bring money and cleavage
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
