If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We were destined to go to rehab together
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
