i think my tv is drunk
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
