and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
