we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
