foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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