How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
