i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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