the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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