new low.... made out with someone while peeing
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
