I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
