I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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