I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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