Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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