But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
