Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
