not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
