RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Its about making memories worth repressing
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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