the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
