There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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