you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
