That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
