Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
