its not stalking. its research.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
