Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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