i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
