I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
