i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
