My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
