When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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