she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
