He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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