shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
