I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
