All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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