I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Do you still have your period?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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