you have to choose: penises or morals?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
