i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
