We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just pee around me
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
