my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
