There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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