I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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