She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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