Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
the raccoons are back...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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