Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize