My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is it because I queefed?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
