Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize