I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It's just like the Real World with babies
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
