don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
