Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
