No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
