call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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