girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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