If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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