And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
only you would photoshop your dick
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
