the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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