I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dignity is for republicans.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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