if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
