We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
