Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
