sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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