As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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