You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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