Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I wish my penis had an off switch
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
