I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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