I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
