Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
