but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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