On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize