He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
