my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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