I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
