she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
