The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
