Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
