it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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