I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize