why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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