It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
