I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
