At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
