so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize