My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
