her vagine was all disorganized.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
