6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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