he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
